No Pain, No Gain
by Hawki
Summary: Oneshot: Gabriel Lorca and James T. Kirk were two very different captains, but they had at least one thing in common - they both needed their pain.


**No Pain, No Gain**

Starbase 1 was enormous.

It was like a giant mushroom orbiting Earth. The first starbase established by the United Federation of Planets, and while by no means the last, it was still the largest. Capable of housing an entire fleet, it was easily the most important space base in the Sol system, and indeed, the entire Federation. A beacon in the dark, reassuring the people of Earth that paradise would not be despoiled. Reassuring the people of the Federation that paradise would always stand ready to send its angels to their aid. Or, in this case, a statement to the galaxy that the final frontier would be explored. That the peoples of the Federation would go where none had gone before, that in the course of a five year mission, more data would be gathered on the galaxy than had in five decades. In the spirit of _Enterprise_ 's that had come before it, United Starship _Enterprise_ , NCC-1701, would be a light in the dark.

Or something. Fleet Captain Christopher Pike had delivered the speech, as a means of promoting the event, and as a point of humility for transferring "the old gal" to James Tiberius Kirk. All Kirk had added was the "space, the final frontier" part to the speech, which was all well and good if it had taken up more than thirty seconds of a ten minute speech that was now being beamed all over the nets from Earth to Andoria. Even then, the actual launching of the ship would be taking place 24 hours from now – last minute hiccups that Chief Engineer Scott assured him would take less than half that time to complete. Kirk could only take him at his word. In the meantime, he was standing at one of the starbase's many viewports situated around its 'equator' – in a few minutes, its rotation would take Earth back into his field of vision, but right now, his view was into outer space.

"I say we go there."

He looked at Gary Mitchell – a friend, and the _Enterprise_ 's helmsman. Kirk followed his finger.

"There?"

"There," Mitchell said. "Or heck, there. Or there. Or-"

"I think ships have already been there."

"So? We can go again."

Kirk smiled. "I thought the purpose of the five-year mission was to boldly go where no man has gone before."

"Well, that's what you said. But the way I see it, we have to pass through old territory before getting into uncharted waters." He made a pose that reminded Kirk of a tyrannosaur. "Here be dragons."

"Could be."

Mitchell didn't say anything. The mission had yet to start, but if over a century of spaceflight had taught humanity anything, it was that space could be…interesting.

"Anyway, I'll see you around. I have…plans."

"Not plans I should know about of course?"

"No. Of course not." Mitchell smiled and headed off to one of the many cantinas that littered the space station. Kirk resisted the urge to join him and returned his gaze to space, even as Earth came into view. Under normal circumstances, he'd be happy to join Mitchell and make new acquaintances. But, 24 hours from now (or less), he wouldn't be in normal circumstances. He'd be in circumstances that would be anything but normal. And while the galaxy featured green alien women…well, there were all forms of lifeforms. And colours. And heck, possibly even genders.

"Nervous?"

Kirk froze as the station's viewport took him over North America. Nervous…yes, he was nervous. Nervous about exploring the unknown, but mostly nervous because he recognized the voice. Slowly, he turned to face it, telling himself that no-one could look at Fleet Captain Gabriel Lorca and _not_ be nervous.

"Captain Lorca," he said, making a salute.

"Captain Kirk." Lorca returned it. He smiled, reminding Kirk of a shark. "Not so long ago that you were a lieutenant."

"The admiralty's been kind to me."

"Hmm." Lorca walked past him and looked out at the northern Pacific. "Beautiful, isn't it?" He looked at Kirk. "You know there's some in Starfleet who have doubts that you're the best man for the job. Some would rather Pike remain in command."

"And you?" Kirk kept his tone civil.

Lorca laughed. "My job is behind a desk. The war's over. We want to explore again, let the dogs loose and cry havoc. That sort of thing."

It was an odd statement. Then again, Lorca was an odd man, Kirk reflected. On one hand, he was a legend. The captain of the USS _Discovery_ , which had proven instrumental in the war with the klingons five years ago. A war that had ended with a ceasefire, and had allowed the Federation to implement the kind of mission that the _Enterprise_ was about to embark on. On the other hand, Lorca was…iffy. That was the word that came to mind. Iffy, in that there were numerous rumours about the methods he'd used in that war. Iffy, in that years after that war, he still hadn't fixed his eyes. He'd look at you, like a viper at its prey, and you couldn't turn up the lights lest the viper be caused pain and strike.

"Well," Lorca said, patting Kirk on the shoulder, and a bit too hard for his taste. "Don't let me keep you."

Kirk watched him walk off – was that it, he wondered? Turn up, say something mysterious, then walk off? Was he on a timetable? Was he-

"Sir?"

Lorca stopped and looked at him. This time, Kirk was reminded of a vulcan – calm, cool, impassive, but possessed of far more strength than the average human.

"May I ask…why you never fixed your eyes?"

Lorca kept looking at him. Kirk looked back – if he was going to face the unknown depths of the star ocean that was the galaxy, he needed to be ready for sharks. Even sharks that grinned slightly.

"That's a bold question Captain."

"I'd like to think that being bold will be required of me."

"And quite right too." The smile widened. "Alright Kirk, I'll play. I haven't fixed my eyes, because I need my pain."

"Your what?"

"My pain. My memory. That constant reminder that the galaxy has full of things that want to kill us, and some of those things are klingons. I need my pain, because it's now part of who I am."

"You could still get your eyes fixed."

"I could. And I suppose you could, if you tried hard enough, forget what happened on the _Farragut_."

Kirk frowned. The _Farragut_. He could never forget the _Farragut_ , any more than the horrors he'd seen on Tarsus IV. Horrors he'd love to forget, but couldn't. He stood stiffer. A bit taller. A bit more rigid.

"One day, you'll realize that you need your pain," Lorca said. "And when that day comes…well, don't thank me, but if you want to remember this moment, I won't complain." He gave a motion from his hand that was half salute, half wave. "Best of luck to you Captain."

Kirk simply nodded. He watched as Lorca walked down the corridor. Watched as the viewport once again swivelled round to space. Watched the darkness of space before him, stars shining through the eternal night.

 _I need a drink._

And stopped watching. At least for the next 24 hours.

Short, when compared to the twenty-two years it would take for Lorca's words to enter his mind again.


End file.
